I never knew the pain would be so intense. I feel like my guts are being torn from inside out. How painful it is, to have to go through such a depressing event. Something I told myself I would never do, something I hated others for, and look at me. I have become common just like the rest, look at me, I am nothing now. I now wonder if my lack of sleep is due to this event. No nightmares, no bad remorse, but deep inside. . .I know I've done wrong. I hate myself for it, and cry and cry without any sense of wellness. My pain is intense, but my physical pain does not compare to my emotional pain. Oh the feeling inside, oh the feeling of hate. It does not matter what they say, it does not matter how much better things will be, I hate myself for it. My stupidity has caused me many deceptions, my stupidity has caused me many loses. Yet I am still here struggling to survive. Wondering if in reality this is what I want. I have things to live for, yet at times even those things are not appealing enough to keep on trying. Oh the depressing times, the unnecessary arguments. Thinking back I now realize I could have made a difference, but was I to selfish to realize it then? Was I too dumb to focus on the important events? Who will ever know the feelings inside? who will I ever trust enough. Not a soul at this time, every thing and everyone is so distant. Two Pains at once, are the worst in the world. My heart aches, my eyes are watery. . . .There's a knot in my throat, but what am I to do? who am I to speak to? I should forget, I will forget. Just the way I have before, every thing will be a blur now, a dim thought, a thought brought from a dream. It is all a dream. . . . . .
- Lonely Anima -
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