It's a question that many of us ask ourselves and there's many answers to such a question. I find myself wondering about many things, and it seems that's just what I do. I feel a bit sad today and although I can say "I'm sad but I don't know why" The reality is I do know. I just don't want to face the reality of my sadness. I have only a few friends that I consider really good friends. I really don't have to say names, because I'm sure they know who they are. Although I don't see them or talk to them often, I know they are there for me when I need them, and they know they can come to me if they ever need my help. All that comes to my mind right now is "I'm so Lame" and or "WTH am I doing?". If only I knew. Really, those of you who know me know that I talk a lot and I mean a LOT! ! ! It seems I tell lots of stories and it also seems my stories get repeated over and over again. I can't seem to help my self and to tell you the truth I wish I wasn't so boring. I wish you guys would stop me and say "I heard that one before". The fact that a certain someone told me he/she has heard it before makes me feel extremely dumb. It makes me think more and more. It seems I have nothing better to say, or well your conversations are not that exciting. =(. Lately I've been thinking of a family and I wish I could find that person that can share that with me. It's so hard now a days to find someone willing to commit. Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. I wonder how do certain couples do it? What do you say? What do you talk about? How do these women act towards their men. What makes these men so different than the ones I have met? What am I doing wrong? I see couples of all shapes and forms, of all different attitudes and they are together for very long. If only I knew how. My mind is blank, and I don't know how to explain what I feel. I was told that I am unhappy because I don't go out, but to tell you the truth I make excuses to not go out. He/She also said that it seems I tend to go out more when I'm depressed and or upset, but I mean who likes to be home thinking of things that make you sad and or upset? Isn't it best to look for a distraction? I was told that maybe I need someone to be more affectionate, maybe this person should change for me. Then I realize I don't want this person to change. If I wanted He/She to change then I would look for a person that fits those qualities, but I have accepted this person this way and I deal with it. Not because I have no choice, but because I choose to. At times I want to see more of this person, but I can't. I wish I did, but He/She chooses to be alone. Because He/She likes to be alone. I realize that from the very beginning this person has been this way and I don't want He/She to change. It just makes me wonder what will happen in the long run. What type of relationship will we have? Will my company sicken him/her? I feel there is something great. I feel he/she is just what I want and need and although I think and think, there's really nothing bad to think about. This person has been nothing but good to me, and I have to accept the fact that he/she likes to be alone. I feel this person is there for me when I need he/she most and maybe I feel I want to be closer to this person by sharing certain things of his/her life that he/she will not talk about. Maybe its still too soon and I just need to wait more and more. . . . . . I guess I'm getting a bit impatient, and I ask myself. How much should one have to wait?
- Yeimy -
